


you're all the things I've got to remember

by j_gabrielle



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Death, Established Relationship, M/M, Tony Angst, angst no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-08 17:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18628309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_gabrielle/pseuds/j_gabrielle
Summary: "Are you still mad at me?" Tony asks, idly knocking his heels against the cabinetry. A furrow wrinkles between Steve's brows, and that shuttered look in his eyes intensifies, nostrils flaring. Like he is two breaths away from crying.





	you're all the things I've got to remember

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Take On Me by A-Ha a.k.a. the standard soundtrack for really fucking heartbreaking shit  
> \--  
> I debated posting this at all because it has been languishing in my drafts for awhile now. As it is, I hope you'll like it anyways because when I caught the idea for this particular one, I was writing it as a form of coping/catharsis.

Tony opens his eyes, watching the early morning light shaft through the blinds and ignites the dust motes it its wake. He lets himself settle into the here and now. Tuning himself to the sound of the house; how the pipes, floor and walls shifts and creaks in the lazy hours before the world wakes in proper, the way the world filters in from their bedroom window. 

He turns onto his side, smiling at the sight of Steve in slumber. He reaches out to run a finger down his jaw, tracing the constellation of freckles under the fluttering of his lashes, brushing away the strand of blonde that artfully falls over his eyes. His heart skips a beat when Steve inhales, blinking himself awake.

"Hey babe," He says softly. Something shutters immediately in Steve's summer blues, and Tony racks his mind for what he may have done. Then, it comes to him.

They'd had an argument last night. It was loud, angry, and they had both scrapped at barely healed over wounds in the acute way that only the two of them could do to each other. Tony swallows tightly, huffing a sheepish chuckle because par on course, in the light of day, he can't even remember why they'd argued in the first place. 

As he is thinking about it, Steve pushes himself out of bed. Going right into their ensuite. Tony watches him go, feeling his chest tighten at the lingering awkwardness of an unresolved argument. They're pretty good about not going to bed angry, but judging by the cold shoulder treatment, it's pretty obvious they did just that. The sound of the shower being turned on urges Tony to scramble out of bed and head to their kitchen.

He sets the coffee machine, flicking it on. Steve comes in smelling like their shower gel, towelling off the dampness in his hair. Tony moves out of the way, climbing onto the counter. Content to watch Steve move around their home as he gets ready for the day. 

"Are you still mad at me?" Tony asks, idly knocking his heels against the cabinetry. A furrow wrinkles between Steve's brows, and that shuttered look in his eyes intensifies, nostrils flaring. Like he is two breaths away from crying. Tony sees the tightening of his jaw and decides that he has had enough. "Did I say I'm sorry? Because I am. You know I am, because I always am. I'm the dumbass, okay? I can't even remember why we argued in the first place, so can you please--"

Whatever he meant to say next is cut off by the sound of Steve's mobile trilling with Vera Lynn singing about the cliffs of Dover, and Tony grunts when he catches sight of the Called ID.

"Hey Buck," Steve greets, and Tony kicks himself off the counter, tuning out their conversation. Frustrated, he stomps into their living room and throws himself onto the sofa. Apparently he's going to have to do a lot of grovelling for forgiveness. Right.

He should probably start with dinner. He'll make Rhodey's Nana's lasagna, clean up the garage a little, maybe promise to do laundry for the next month. That would probably crack a smile on Steve's face at least. He's good at this. He'll make it up to Steve.

Tony is still fleshing out his plan of attack when the doorbell rings. "Coming!" Steve calls out from their bedroom, and a moment later he is striding through the house in the suit he'd bought him last year when they went to Sam and Bucky's wedding. Tony can't resist the smile that curls his lips because if he's wearing something that he bought him, then it means that he can't be that far in Steve's bad books. He allows himself a beat to enjoy the way Steve's ass looks as he moves, and decides that it was a worthwhile investment. 

"Hey man," Sam's voice comes from the door. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

Tony hears Sam say that he will be waiting in the car, and Steve makes a grab for his keys. "Hey, wait for me!" 

He scrambles into the backseat with Steve, greeting Bucky and Sam in turn. Neither one of them greets him back, so he reckons that they're just pissed at him on Steve's behalf. "Where are we going anyways?" He asks, but when he is ignored again, just shrugs and contents himself with looking at Steve's face. He is clearly still unhappy, and Tony hates himself just that little it more for playing a part in putting it there.

Tony reaches out a hand to touch Steve on the cheek, appreciating the way the warmth of his skin warms him too. God, he loves him so much. The thought rings through him like a clear bell note. "I love you, and I'm sorry." He whispers. Steve closes his eyes, covering them with his hand. 

They reach a church. Sam brings the car to a park and they all climb out of the car. Bucky slings an arm over Steve's shoulder, Sam takes a supportive stance on his other side. Tony looks up at the building and realises that this is the same church Steve and Bucky had been baptised in when they were kids. The sunlight blinds him as he climbs the steps behind Steve, and he is almost glad to be in the comforting darkness of interior.

_Memorial Service for Anthony E. Stark_

He feels his entire body freeze. "Steve?" The name breaks as it leaves his lips. He hurries down the aisle, just in time to see Steve take the podium. The altar is wreathed with his favourite flowers, dotted with pictures of him, with Steve and their friends. His heart sticks in his chest, painful and sharp.

"What the fuck is this?"

Tony frantically looks around at the pews, and sees Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, the Parkers from two doors down whose son Peter comes over whenever they work late, Aunt Peggy and Cousin Sharon seated next to Clint and his family, Nat, Maria and their boss Mr Fury, and with a jolt, he sees the faces of everyone who knows him and then some.

"Pep," He croaks, turning to where his best friends are seated with Sam and Bucky. "Pep, tell me this is a joke. Tell me this is a joke." He gasps. Reaching out to touch, he feels his world shatter when his hand passes through her.

Tony stumbles back.

"I don't know what to say about Tony that hasn't already been said," Steve starts. Tony feels an unnatural chill run through his veins. "But in the month since he's been gone, I've learnt to live with the quiet in our home. And you all know the kind of dissonance that could be." He laughs a little wetly. "I wake up in the morning and he's not there, and when I sleep, I miss him," Steve ducks his head, sniffing and clearing his throat. "I miss him. With every fibre of being in me. I love him, and I don't think I'll ever stop."

Steve pauses, taking a deep fortifying breath. "The truth is, the last night we had together, I spent it angry at him because we had an argument about something stupid, and inconsequential. We're both stubborn as goats when we get going, and that night we didn't stop. I went to bed angry, and when I woke up, he was gone." He swallows, bracing himself on the podium. "When the police showed up on our front door to tell me that Tony had been in an accident, I thought they were joking. Part of some elaborate hoax. I spent the last month telling myself that I don't have anything to regret, that Tony knows I love him. But I..." His lip wobbles, and his eyes begin to water. Tony takes a step forth as if to comfort him. 

"I'm so sorry, Tony," Steve says shakily. "I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you I love you enough, I'm sorry that the last thing we ever did together was argue. I'm sorry, but I don't know how to live in a world without you."

"Steve," Tony breathes, moving forward but his feet feel stuck. He looks down in time to see the air around his legs shimmer. "Steve!"

"He can't hear you." Tony jumps, swivelling around to see Mr Fury smirking at him. He blinks, at the apparition in front of him and then to the Mr Fury who is listening to Steve from the pews. "I'm not actually your boss. I'm just borrowing his face." The apparition tilts his head, "And I think you know why I'm here."

"Do I have to go?" Tony asks quietly as a soft applause rises from the gathered.

"You sure as hell can't stay."

Tony takes in a last look at Steve in the sunlight. A settled calm comes over him, but in the back of his mind, there's a voice screaming that this can't be it, that he can't leave like this. He swallows tightly. "Can I say goodbye?"

The apparition smiles indulgently. "One last one then." Tony doesn't waste anymore time. Stepping to Steve, he kneels, gently laying his hands on his strong thighs. 

"Steve," Tony starts, splaying his fingers over Steve's knees. The man is looking ahead, jaw clenched and unaware. "I should've... Done a million things. Taken out the trash more, did the dishes more, made you laugh. Should have taken that holiday last year, should've brought you out dancing more because you dance like shit, but I loved it anyways."

He reaches up to brush his knuckles against the curve of Steve's cheekbone, sight blurring with hot tears. Licking his lips, he blinks rapidly. "I loved every moment I had with you because every moment we had was great." The apparition clears his throat, raising an eyebrow and pointedly cocking his head. Tony nods, wiping his tears away. Going to a stand, he startles when Steve turns his face to him, frowning as if seeing something he can't quite parse. After a beat, Tony leans in, kissing the corner of Steve's lips. "I love you."

"Time to go now," The apparition smiles, slinging a hand over his shoulders and pulling him along. "You'll see him again some day."

Tony turns in time to see the back of Steve's head. "I'm counting on it."

**Author's Note:**

> I have never, will never, allow any reposting or translations of my works without my permission. All of my works will and shall only be hosted on my personal accounts on AO3 (j_gabrielle), Dreamwidth (j_gabrielle) and Tumblr (randomingoftherandomness, hardheartshere).
> 
> For those who say that I never said anything, it is clearly stated on my AO3 profile bio.
> 
> I do not have a Twitter account.
> 
> I do not have a Wattpad account.
> 
> **Please Do Not Repost My Fics**


End file.
